All that matters
by mfpp
Summary: Kensi holds a pregnancy test in her hand. What is she supposed to do now? One-shot


**All that matters**

"Oh, my gosh!", Kensi gasped as she looked at the two tiny blue lines on the small display.

It was 9 am and she was sitting in the bathroom still wearing her nightgown because it was Saturday and they weren't on call so she had planned a lazy day. Deeks instead had gotten up hours ago to go surfing. As always he hadn't woken Kensi, knowing she only would've been mad at him if he did.

So Kensi had used the time alone to check out a possibility that had been crossing her mind more than one time in the last days, even if she tried to ignore it. And now her apprehension had become true. The three different tests she looked at right now were the proof. They all said the same: _pregnant_

Kensi was terrified. She had been anxious since she first thought about the possibility a few days ago, when the morning sickness had started. She had instantly blocked out that thought. She couldn't be pregnant. They had been careful every time. Okay – almost every time. There had been that one time after a party with the team when they both had been very drunk. And that afternoon a few days before in the lift of that hotel. And that one rainy Sunday, when they had… okay, maybe there had been a few times, they hadn't been that careful.

The next morning she had felt sick again and yesterday she had finally decided to go to the pharmacy after work to buy the pregnancy tests because everything was better than the uncertainty.

Now she was certain. Certain that she was pregnant. But with this one questions solved there were a hundred new ones. First of all – to whom should she tell it? And how? And when? Deeks of course – he had to be first to know. And she should probably tell him today. It wouldn't be easier if she waited and she needed _someone_ to talk about this. But how should she tell him? She knew he wanted kids just as much as she did. They had talked about starting a family together. And she had experienced that he was great with kids, and knew he would be even greater with an own Little-Deeks to care for (or a Little-Kensi but she had always thought about her first kid as a boy).

But they also agreed to wait before they would start trying, not only because they weren't sure if they were ready jet, but mainly because of their jobs. Being a federal agent wasn't the best job to raise kids. Not only that they had to work or at least be on call at any possible time, sometimes even on holidays. But because of the danger they put themselves in everyday. Fighting the really bad guys included that they had to handle with injuries from little bruises to bad shot wounds. They both had been in hospital more than one time and sometimes longer than a few days. They had helped each other trough their recoveries, but how should they handle that, if they had to care for a kid in the same time? And of course there was always the possibility that they wouldn't come back from a mission. Imagining the feelings of Deeks, the rest of the team or her friends and family, if she would die was hard for Kensi, because she didn't really wanted to think about how she would feel if happened to one of them. But only the thought of letting a small kid behind, her own son or daughter let the tears in her eyes start falling.

In the same moment she heard Deeks voice.

"Kensi?"

"In the bathroom", she shortly answered, surprised that her boyfriend was already back.

Moments later Deeks opened the Door.

"Hey, good morning my love," he said smiling, until he saw the tears in her eyes. His smile faded and he put her in a close hug without noticing the pregnancy test in her hands.

"What's up Kenselina? I came back to check, if you are getting better and to cheer you up a bit, but if I'd known it was that bad, I wouldn't have leaved. What is it Kens? Are you in pain?"

"No Deeks", Kensi interrupted taking a step back from him, "I'm not ill anymore. I mean… I haven't been at all… It was just …I was…"

She couldn't speak it out loud and Deeks didn't understand a thing. But when he gripped both of her shaking hands he finally notices the small thing between her fingers. As he opened her hand to see what it was they both stand silent and without movement until he suddenly understands, what this was all about. He looked up and saw right into her frightened eyes.

"Kensi you are… I mean are you… are we… is this what I think it… does this mean…", like Kensi he couldn't get out a whole sentence, so when she slowly nodded her head he just hugged her again, kissed her cheek than the top of her hair, laughing and crying at the same time.

Kensi didn't know what she had expected, but definitively not an emotional outburst like this. They couldn't say how long there were standing there, sobbing and laughing, kissing and caressing each other. It was Kensi who stepped back first.

"So you are …happy? You are not angry or afraid or…"

"Good, I'm frightened like hell, Kens. I mean a baby – that's a big thing! It's a big responsibility. But of cause I'm happy! We are finally becoming a family. We have talked about this. You know nothing would make me happier than becoming the father of your kid – our kid. Maybe this isn't the perfect time, but maybe there isn't a perfect time for this at all. We just have to find our way to deal with it. And we will find a way because I love you and I already love this little thing inside you, even if I don't know if I should say he or she, and I think for the moment that's all that matters."

Kensi looked deep into Deeks' eyes and she could see that he'd said the truth about how he felt. And she realized she felt exactly the same. They were Kensi and Deeks. Their life together had never been normal – had never been easy. But they loved each other and together they would always find their way. Even with a kid – especially with a kid. Because this was, what they both had always wanted. A family. Their family.

 _Our family_ , thought Kensi, _that sounds perfect. It feels perfect._

She threw her arms around Deeks' neck and kissed him deeply.

"You're right. That's all that matters. I love you."

"I love you two. Both of you."


End file.
